Making Changes

Monday, September 21, 2015

Wow, I haven't posted in over a year, and what a year it has been.  I'm slightly disappointed in myself, because I made a promise that I was going to not quit, that I was going to keep posting through the ups, the downs, and all of the crazy in between.  I guess you could say I didn't officially quit, because well...I'm posting right now.  At least there's a silver lining there!
I've learned a lot about myself in the past year.   I've made more mistakes than good decisions, changed my major, started a relationship, watched my best friends graduate college and move to Ireland, and started my fifth year of college (victory lap as I like to call it).

There has been a lot of change, and I have to admit that I am terrible with handling it.  As a sufferer of chronic anxiety, big changes in my life often lead to a slump that is seemingly impossible to get out of.  This slump, that lasted four long months has officially been one of the most stressful times of my life.  The unknown lurked ahead of me, like I was walking into a dark tunnel with no end.  I once heard that anxiety feels like leaning back in a chair, and that jolt of terror that shoots through your body when you feel like you're going to fall over backwards.  I profoundly agree with that.  It is hard to pull yourself out of anxiety.  You are fully aware that you are being irrational, but for some reason you're just not up for the task of doing anything whatsoever to try to change that.  You feel paralyzed.   I can't tell you how it feels to want to enjoy the things you used to, to want to see the beauty in the world, but not be able to because your mental health doesn't allow for it easily.

However, I have recently just made it out of my slump!  In record time I might add.  And the world seems infinitely more beautiful right now.  To say the least, things have picked up immensely in my life recently.  I'm feeling inspired again, I'm excited to start the day, I smile more, I laugh more.  I love life so much more than I have been loving it the past couple months.  I am ecstatic to start working on this blog again, to start drawing again, to go on hikes, to work out...hell I'm even excited to sit down and do my homework.  I have been finding joy in every part of life, and I can't help but smile when I even think about it.

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